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Mean Girls and Relational Aggression
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Dr. Rebecca Bell
Dr. Bell is a Licensed Educational Psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area. When she was little, she loved school so much, she played it on the weekends. Now, she works with kids who hate school and writes about it in her blog, Notes From the School Psychologist.
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In Hollywood, the phenomenon is called “Mean Girls.” In the land of School Psychology, we call it “Relational Aggression.” Anyone who has been to high school probably has first-hand experience with it, either as the victim, perpetrator (not my readers!), or more commonly, as a bystander. We just didn’t have a name for it back in high school.
About the clip: Mean Girls, you’ve watched it, right? Well in case you didn’t, here’s the trailer. Once you’ve seen the trailer you’ve pretty much seen the movie and spared yourself 2 hours of your life you can never get back:
I went to this seminar called “Mean Girls” a while back to learn about strategies I could use at my schools when I see this usually covert aggression. It’s far easier to see a bruise on a kid from a playground fight than it is to see the emotional pain from exclusion, ignoring, intimidation, eye rolling, and rumors. And differentiating between the “normal” ebb and flow of relationships and relational aggression can be difficult. Here is the method proposed about deciding when to intervene.
drbell
14 days ago
6 comments
JJmiles8, You are doing the right thing by accentuating the positive interactions she has. If she hasn't already, maybe she can join a group, club, or activity to increase her sense of belonging. If you start seeing her avoiding going to school by being "sick" all the time, or cutting class, then I think you should bring it up with the guidance counselor to see what's going on. Also, just acknowledging that middle school is a tough time for everyone to feel like they belong will go a long way. Share some of your own stories from school as parables, or have an older family member close to her age give advice for particular situations with particular girls. Remember that what is extraneous drama to us can be real for our middle school girls. There is no easy answer! Best of luck to you and your daughter.
jjmiles8
15 days ago
4 comments
What else can parents do? My middle school daughter deals with this daily and I try to help her sort out aggression that is real and what is just her teenage drama queen paranoia. (But Mom, I know they were talking about me!) I try to encourage her to focus on her real friends and try to ignore what she preceives as bullying, which may or may not be directed at her. She is new to this school in a very small town and fitting in is going to take some time. Suggestions?
senedtra
2 months ago
176 comments
I saw the movie and I see commercials about RA. I'm glad that schools are starting to pay more attention to bullying and intervene.